Killing Time
*image courtesy of Sam Brown at explodingdog.comWe've always had Time to blame for our own failures. There just wasn't enough time.. We were going too fast.. I thought it was still early.. He didn't tell me soon enough.. There are a dozen variations, all aimed towards absolving one's self from direct blame.
I've always found it convenient to get frustrated with Time, especially when I have to deal with ultimate boredom. These are the moments when every second has an indefinite end and you realize with wry amusement that the dirt on your walls actually follows certain patterns. And getting accustomed to boredom doesn't help any. It's all the more worse because not only are you aware of your life's monotony; you are also, in a sense doing nothing to remedy the tediousness of the situation you are in. What's even more alarming is when you're already used to boredom, you won't find any novelty even in doing something new. By that time, it's not a case of situational boredom anymore. You have already started wearing boredom as a fashionable cape, very much like the way the nouveau rich put on bored airs. I've recently resorted to watching movies- Deuce Bigalow European Gigolo, 40-year old Virgin, Must Love Dogs, Perfect Catch, Totally Blonde. I must have been Video City's most profitable customer last week. I could tell—must be through the palpable look of recognition the video store staff gave me, the escalating level of eagerness to serve me each time I made a visit to the store or the fact that I was already being offered the promo of rent 4 for P55. But, even more pathetic than immersing myself in different dimensions of man-made reality was: I watched a movie at a mall cinema unaccompanied. Alone. Man, I was that bored. I went to Makati for yet another job interview and came back unemployed and hopeless still. The location of the office was so far away I must have walked several kilometers to get there (and get out of there) and the job, well, let’s just say I was overqualified for the available position. And so it was that I eventually found myself buying a movie ticket to watch She’s The Man. It was amusing enough to keep me preoccupied for a few hours before I had to get back to the rigid confines of the house I’m living in.
It was also last week when I had a call for an interview in Ortigas. I spent Friday in the prospective employee hot seat for 3 & ½ hours, answering never ending questions about myself, my work habits, why I quit my first job, what are my redeeming qualities and how do I handle bitchy people. After 6 interviews, I suddenly found myself hired. Wow, when they said that there was an urgent need for someone to fill the position, I never imagined they were dead serious about it.
At one time or another, we’ve all probably wished we had some control over Time. I wished Time wouldn’t go by so fast when I’m having fun. I wished Time would stand still so I can preserve certain moments that I’m sure I’m likely to forget, memorable or significant they may be. I wished Time can skip to the part where the difficult portion is already over so I won’t have to bear all the anxiety, depression, frustration or nervousness that come with seemingly impossible situations. I wished Time can go back to certain happy days or to that disastrous day when I could’ve done things differently. But unfortunately, we cannot manipulate Time. It has its own way of planning its course. After a little over five months of trying to kill Time, I find that I am going to miss being bored. I’ve had a long wait for this job but when I finally have to start working again, it just seemed that the 5 months of indefinite existence were too short. But the timing for getting the job was perfect. I needed the money and the work experience. For once, Time was just right. No stalling, no hurrying, no delaying, no rushing. It's about time...
posted by lovefool @ 10:04 PM
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