Bummed Out
** nope, i'm not suicidal. the image (gotten from explodingdog.com) matches my mood though.. hahaha I have no problem with where I want to go. I have already set my goals & I know what I want; the only question is: when will the journey begin? Having carefully-laid plans doesn't make me any different from a person who still doesn't know what he or she wants. I'm still stuck in the same gray area, contemplating my worth in a society that frowns upon people who willingly get themselves unemployed.
The silence in the house unnerves me. The air is reverberating with unspoken accusations and ripe with veiled pity. Turning on the television is no comfort for it merely stresses the gravity of the situation, mildly making a mockery out of the fact that I don't have anything better to do than watch movie reruns, "reality" tv shows, koreanovelas & all kinds of enhancer (height, skin, abs, boobs) commercials.
I'm even being hounded by time and numbers. March 7 marks the 5th month of my resignation from my first job. Two entries ago, I said I was going to get hired by the company that was training me then. It's nearly a year since I graduated but I still find myself as inexperienced as I was the day after I received the rolled blank sheet of paper which posed as my college diploma. My friend laughed at me this morning because I thought she was still a college junior. "Graduating na ko no!" she said with a shove that made me almost lose my balance. I realized that I was living in a time warp. Because I considered negligible the four months of work that I got involved in (and therefore still regard myself as a fresh graduate), my sense of time never got beyond April 2005.
I want to rid myself of restlessness and the feeling of dread that is slowly consuming me. It’s stupid to complain and pathetic to whine but I know I wouldn’t be able to stop talking about my state of unemployment until I get myself hired. So in the meantime, I’m going to perfect my skill at rating tv commercials, read the books I’ve bought but still haven’t read yet and try not to get used too much to lazy afternoons while I await positive responses from my target companies.
posted by lovefool @ 7:48 PM
1 Comments:
At 5:11 AM,
Ivan said…
ha? i don't get it. i thought you already are with mme. how can you still be unemployed?
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