Man Overboard!
Here's a filler-- while I'm still struggling between balancing my time and coaxing words from my muddled brain to form into intelligible ideas. Written on April 5, 2004 by a whimsical, two years younger version of my present self. Writer still on indefinite leave...I have set up sails to travel in a sea of loneliness, where a million others find themselves lost in. It should have been easy enough for me to find somebody to share my boat with or somebody who would be willing to leave his boat for mine—or better yet, somebody whom I would leave my boat for, but it seems that the big body of water is vast enough to hold a lot of people without most of them finding what they have set out searching for.
I possess no big ship, nor any luxury yacht. All I have is a regular wooden boat with blue sails, in which to go about in. I have always dreamt of owning a steam liner with a spacious sundeck, a Jacuzzi, a gym, elegant rooms and an Olympic-sized pool. However, as of the moment, I could only afford a new set of sails to replace the ones battered by storms of indecision & anxiety and the howling winds of frustration & despair. With this, I find that while dreaming may offer any person a welcome break from reality, it is always safer to stay anchored to the present and make do with whatever is available so that one can chart one’s course in the direction that one wishes to go to.
The countless people who have set out to sea should have made it easy for me to find somebody to share my boat with. I should have been able to find from among those people who have sunk their boats as a challenge to solitude someone who is willing enough to work hard with me towards a safe journey to the nearest harbor.
It should not have been hard for me to find somebody who would leave his boat for mine- a person who finds my company better than the comfort of being alone with his thoughts and someone who has no problem with the meager resources that I have with me, but unfortunately, it seems that all sought things have a way of staying unavailable to those who keep on looking for them.
With the mindless games that we play and the deliberate lies that we often make, more & more people are forced to go on journeys that have no certain end. Yet, I still have not found the person whom I would leave my boat for. He would have to be somebody who can make me laugh, even when I run the risk of exceeding the limits of flexibility that my sun-burnt face can only withstand, somebody who can make me feel like it is summer, even if the cold breeze tells me that it is nearing Christmastime and somebody who would willingly do “whale water-spouting”, “seal-clapping” & “dolphin-giggling” with me just for fun. Best of all, he would have to be someone who is honest enough to admit that he doesn’t know how to fish and humble enough to accept that I’m a better fisherperson than he is.
The water is calm and it gently rocks my boat from side to side. While a slight breeze blows through my hair, I kneel by the side of my boat, leaning towards the edge in order to take a mouthful of the clear water, which stretches across the horizon in a transparent white color.As the cool water reaches my lips, I watch as it gradually seeps through my cupped palms, until every droplet joins the big body of water, which the sorrows of this world make deeper. It tastes faintly like salt, of broken promises & forsaken dreams, of bottled misery and unspoken affections. I have tried countless times to stop drinking water from the sea & too many times, I have caught myself taking a sip, foolishly hoping that the passage of time might make it sweeter.The view from my boat never varies. Everyday, it’s the same wide expanse of sky and water that I see- sky that has been for the most part, gray & downcast and water that has always been white & shimmering.
Maybe someday, I will meet a person who will color the water a bright shade of blue. Maybe he can put a smile on the sun and make my boat dance happily with the waves. Maybe, he can even persuade me to drop my favorite book into the sea in exchange for a day’s worth of conversation. Maybe I can assist him in repairing his boat or maybe I can teach him how to fish and help him laugh again. There are things in this world that cannot be done or endured alone and living is one of them. Someday, a cry will be heard out in the open sea. It will go, “Man Overboard!” and only the future can determine if it is he who has thrown himself into the water or I, so one can save the other.
I may have primarily set out on my journey with no certain purpose, no specific destination & no intention of returning to where I came from, but when the time comes when I have already found good company, I know in my heart that it is time to come home.
posted by lovefool @ 10:36 PM
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